Moving on

Clearly destined for a certain standard of lifestyle from an early age, Edward's moved on and starts work on Monday as researcher for Geoffrey Cox MP. We're delighted for him.

It's over.

Time for normal life to resume.

I think Edna would have approved of the occasion - a simple, dignified, non-religious thanksgiving for her life led by someone who knew her personally and could speak authoritively about her, in the presence of the friends and family who loved her so much. It was bitterly cold and starting to snow as we came out, so we didn't hang around but went straight home and put the kettle on.

It's what she'd have wanted. Expected, even.

Thank you for all the kind thoughts and good wishes...as I sat there feeling wretched, I took huge comfort in the knowledge that so many good friends were looking at their clocks and thinking...

The Details

A celebration of Edna's life will be held at Haltemprice Crematorium on Friday 1st February at 1.30pm.

Donations in lieu of flowers may be made to the Dove House Hospice

She's gone

Peacefully at 4.55am this morning, ten minutes after we arrived, holding my hand.

Not long

There are signs that it will soon be over.

Day Six

Much the same as yesterday, really.

Saturday

Another day gone with no further news. This afternoon it all got the better of me and I finally admitted to myself that I could sit there no longer. Mark and I took advantage of what was probably the first dry weather in days and walked down to the city centre and M&S for a couple of things. We'd packed for just a couple of days last Tuesday and though we can wash and dry clothes here every night, we have asked ourselves what would happen should the call come when all our clothes are in the machine and we are sitting in our pyjamas...

The walk did both of us a power of good and we returned to sit for another couple of hours before coming back to Cottingham.

We have talked about returning home but the thought of having to turn around and drive all the way back again keeps us here for now. To use a Thomas phrase: "We'll see."

There is no doubt that she is weaker, more frail, less aware of our presence and her surroundings. Having said that, she is settled and shows no signs which are of concern to anyone who pops in to see her, though the hospital euphemism "comfortable" isn't always true, I fear.

No change

Nothing more to say, really, except that we're still here.

Thursday

We've spent another day at Edna's bedside, watching her breathing become more laboured and thinking on several occasions that she was losing her fight. But no, it's not time yet and she's not ready to give in. She sleeps for most of the time, but when her eyes open, it appears that she recognises that we are there and I feel sure she hears what we say to her too.

The nursing staff ensure that she is in no pain and deal with the slightest hint of discomfort with exemplary patience and kindness. We have come back to Cottingham for a third night, half expecting the promised telephone call to inform us of any change in her condition.

As always, we appreciate your kind thoughts, prayers and good wishes.

Still here...

We are still in Hull. We drove through torrential rain, arriving around 8.30am and spent the day at Mummy's bedside. When the nurse who'd called us returned to duty last night, she told us that she felt that we could go back to Cottingham for a reasonable night's sleep and promised us that she would call if the situation changed.

It's now almost 8am, Wednesday morning and having had no call during the night, we're about to return to Ward 16. Who knows what the day will bring?

Thank you all for kind thoughts as always. They mean a great deal to us.

Switching off

I'm about to switch off the computer because we've had a call from the hospital at 3.50am this morning and are just about to set off for Hull.

Please keep Edna in your thoughts.

Update

The news here isn't terribly positive.

I haven't posted for a week simply because we haven't been able to visit Edna and have been relying on the reports from the nursing staff on Ward 16, who have been terrific. The Ward is closed due to what the staff refer to as "D&V", the bug which is doing the rounds of the whole of the UK right now it seems. We have taken their advice to stay away, not wanting to spread the thing further and allowing them to get on with their job of keeping their ladies safe and sound.

Edna seems to have been in steady decline during the last few days and our optimism for the future is waning. She is now on oxygen, has not regained her swallow so is being fed by tube and is not as responsive as we might have hoped. The nursing staff are reassuring, patient, honest and don't mind how often we telephone for news. They tell us that she is comfortable, peaceful and is sleeping most of the time.

Our feelings are confused. Of course, the enforced relief of not driving 400 miles every few days has meant that we feel more on top of things here and better able to manage our routine responsibilities but at the same time, the constant worry of not being able to be with Mummy at such a desperate time for her is draining to say the least.

It looks like the phone call we dread could come at any time and we are reluctant to think beyond the next day or two.

A little better

We arrived in Hull fearing the worst and though she was clearly not at all well, a smile and a raised hand to greet us was more than enough to reassure us that she was on the mend. During Saturday afternoon, as the rehydration worked the medication out of her system, she gradually became more alert and less sleepy.

Later in the day, she was transferred to Ward 16 - we went with her, saw her settled and then left her to rest.

We visited again today and found her sitting up in bed, still a bit sleepy but able to communicate a little and better than yesterday. She isn't really allowed anything by mouth until whoever-it-is gives the all clear tomorrow but when I explained how desperate she was for something to drink, the nurse on duty found her some ice-cream which was a real treat. Such individual kindness is so very much appreciated and in stark contrast to the collective "don't know/wasn't there/can't say" response to some of our questions, particularly in relation to how she fell or where her dentures have gone. Responsibility for anything like this always lies with someone else. I'd love to find that person!

We left her sleeping peacefully, comfortable and settled. In the meantime, we've heard that a room is available at Hunters - let's hope that she is soon well enough to take up the place.

Anxious

We got a phone call from Hull whilst we were in London celebrating Edward's birthday (he's 23 on Sunday) because Edna was more drowsy than ever and her dehydration was now giving cause for concern. In addition, she had a temperature and sounded a little chesty, so the doctor was called and she was admitted to hospital.

Christine visited a couple of times during the day and though she felt Mummy responded to her voice, there was little more to encourage us.

I have telephoned Hull Royal Infirmary several times tonight and understand she is "comfortable" but not really aware of what's going on. She is now on a drip and has been seen by a doctor, receiving antibiotics because of a possible chest infection and her temperature. It's expected that she will be there for some days.

Mark and I will drive up to Hull tomorrow morning and hopefully find her a little better. In the meantime, we appreciate all kind thoughts and crossed fingers...

To Hull again

An easy drive to Hull yesterday, New Years Day, with hardly any traffic on the road. I found Mummy to be very sleepy indeed - more so than when we left her, and generally out of sorts. Most irritating was that her dentures had "gone missing" sometime over the weekend, somewhere between St Mary's and Hull Royal Infirmary and sadly, no-one had noticed until Christine and I arrived and remarked on the fact that her lower mouth looked saggy. Of course, such things don't make eating and drinking any easier and somehow, seeing her with such hollow cheeks emphasised how fragile she has become.

The general theory was that the medication used to control the small seizures, Epilin, was causing the drowsiness and the GP attending to her advised a small reduction in the dosage. It might take a couple of days to take effect, but in the meantime, there was no cause for concern. In the meantime, she has no interest in food or drink, indeed can barely summon enough energy to open her eyes.

As I left, she raised her hand to try to wave bye to me. Once again, I left in tears and drove home.

This is tough.

To Hull and back

Got back from Hull yesterday morning, having been with Edna for most of Friday. She seemed a bit out of it, spending much of the morning staring into the middle distance and needing frequent nudges to regain her attention.

It seems as though she had a small fit the previous day whilst having lunch. Nothing major and after an hour sleeping in the afternoon, she seemed ok according to the staff. However, they would investigate further and maybe adjust her medication slightly.

We took her for a short walk in the afternoon but a chilly wind soon had us heading back indoors to put a few more jigsaw pieces in. She'd enjoyed her Christmas, the staff had been very kind and made sure that her day was fun, thank goodness. As we left her at tea time, the weather was deteriorating, so we decided to spend the night in cottingham and drive home early yesterday morning. The M1 is not much fun at the best of times, but in the dark with driving rain it's best avoided.

So, back here in France Lynch by 10am and a day at home to look forward to. Plenty of catching up to be done and a bit of doing nothing at all, probably. At 5pm the phone rang - St Mary's. Mummy had fallen from her wheelchair and paramedics recommended an Xray, because she might have fractured her hip. they requested a family member to accompany her to the hospital, since they were short staffed - so as always, Christine and Jean sprang into action, bless them. Turned out, though, that it could be hours before transport arrived - and Saturday night was not the best time to be sitting for hours in casualty. So, the decision was left to St Mary's - and sure enough, at 7.30pm I heard that she was there, in the assessment ward where she'd been admitted last August, awaiting results. Later in the evening, Christine rang to say all was fine - no broken bones, thankfully. They decided to keep Mummy there overnight, however, since she was a little disorientated and it was rather late to be making another journey.

This morning, Sunday, she has been discharged and is back at St Mary's, all well. Another small adventure turned out ok in the end and our worries were unfounded. I'm back up to Hull on Tuesday/Wednesday and hope to see her in good spirits. Cross your fingers for me!

Boxing Day

I anticipated a challenging Christmas this year and was not feeling particularly jolly as I made tea at 6am. I am blessed with an amazing family, however, and thanks to them I went to bed at nearly midnight in much better spirits.

I spoke to Edna several times during the day. First thing, when one of the St Mary's staff brought her to sit by the phone when I rang. Later in the morning, Christine and Jean took along her presents and shared the openings over the phone. So thoughtful to do this and typically sweet of them. Edna was quite chatty and happy to speak to Edward too - she sounded fine, which set my mind at rest.

Finally, I rang her last evening, to ask how her day had been. "Wonderful" was the answer. It was all I needed to ensure a good nights sleep and look forward to seeing her in a couple of days.

At this end, Mark, Edward and Bettine made sure that even though we were fewer than ever at the table, this Christmas was special too. Kitchen duties were shared and every one of us had the most marvellous surprises. We look forward to an afternoon and evening with friends today and to having small children in the house again. Off to get the cooking sorted now.

Wishing you all a very Happy Christmas and hoping your day was as special as ours.

with Edna

We are in Hull this weekend, spending time with Edna before Christmas. As I walked towards her down the long corridor at St Mary's this morning, she didn't spot that Edward was with me. When she spotted him, her face lit up and her excitement was just delightful. She was so thrilled to be in his company and looked over towards him every minute or so to make sure that, yes, he was still there. Eventually, she decided that was not enough and manouevred herself to be close enough to hold his hand, then grabbed mine with her other hand and sat there for an hour or so, beaming with pleasure.

Throughout our stay today, she was calm and clearly content to simply be in our company. She enjoyed a couple of rides around the place in her wheelchair with Edward pushing - beaming with pride as one person after another asked "is this your Grandson?" but there were no demands of "Let's go, then" or requests to go out. Mind you, it was a miserable day - dark and cold with a biting wind and later, icy rain. Typical for the shortest day of the year.

She has enjoyed receiving Christmas cards from many friends and reads each one carefully - though she is unable to articulate to me who the sender is, I have no doubt that she has read the signature and knows herself. Some have left me stumped - Bunty and Bill? John and Madeline? My apologies if I have not been in touch with you. It simply means she knows you too well for your details to be in her address book!

She said goodbye to Edward this afternoon, as he'll spend tomorrow with his friend in Leeds if all goes according to plan. But Mark and I will return to spend more time with her and, if the sun shines, will go for a walk in the fresh air. That's her favourite way to spend an afternoon.

She is currently third on the waiting list at Hunters in Cirencester. We are talking to her about it and hope that she understands the situation. We will, of course, advise of any move as soon as we know it will happen.

Edward moves house

We paid a visit to Edward yesterday, with a car full of bits and pieces for his new home. He and Alex decided they'd had enough of the continual aggravations of Dorset Court and lured by a much shorter commute for Edward (and therefore an extra 30 mins of sleep each morning!) they found themselves a new place in N7 - Finsbury Park tube station nearby, but possibly in Highbury or Islington, depending on who is to be impressed. Council tax paid to Hackney (though across the road might be Islington or Haringey) which might add further to the confusion. Whilst we were in Boston last weekend, they found a man with a van to help them move house at some incredibly late hour of the night - a moonlight flit with a Polish angle ;-)

Suffice to say that this new conversion is very smart indeed and they have done well. We enjoy the prospect of seeing the garden develop, too. They have the ground floor and french doors onto a small grassy patch and patio which is ready for a little attention come the Spring.

We took two stops on the tube and Mark got to see St Pancras at last. He quite agreed that it's a triumph and was glad to see for himself. Lunch at Le Pain Quotidien was good, too.

We dropped Edward and Alex off at that Saturday afternoon haven of fun - IKEA - where they filled a bag or two with this and that and persuaded another man with a van to transport them and their purchases home. I think they are enjoying the benefits of the black economy!

Another trip to Hull

Just returned from another trip to Hull and though I can't report any great change in Edna's situation generally, things are moving in a different way.

I think we were all reaching the same conclusion independently. We think that Edna is not going to progress significantly beyond where she is now. Indeed, if she continues to refuse opportunities to strengthen her walking and talking then perhaps we are facing a further decline in her ability to care for herself and live independently. Perhaps we always knew in our hearts that it was unlikely that she would return home to Sancton Close, but we hung on to the hope for as long as we could.

In the meantime, her place in a rehabilitation facility becomes more tenuous and we face the decision regarding the most comfortable place for her to be. Clearly, right now we are so very dependent on Jean and Christine, who have been so devoted to their daily visits and who have managed Edna's day-to-day needs so amazingly. There can be few families who could rely on such wonderful support over so many weeks, months, and we are incredibly grateful to them for everything they do. At the same time, we recognise that with a new baby expected in the family (Yes! Lynsey's expecting a new arrival and Millie will have a brother/sister in 2008!) Grandma Christine and Great-Grandma Jean will have other concerns before long. we are conscious that we have not been able to devote ourselves to Edna's situation as much as we'd have liked due to our commitments at home and the distances involved and as changes of some kind are imminent it was time to assess where to go from here.

It's with these thoughts that we now feel the time has come to consider moving Edna to be nearer to us, here in Gloucestershire. We realise that it's something we said we wouldn't consider, for Edna had always said that she wanted to stay in Hull, where she had been born and lived her whole life. However, none of us could foresee how events would affect our lives and in the firm belief that this would indeed be for the best for all of us, we have begun the process of finding somewhere for Edna in the Stroud/Cirencester area. At the moment, we are in the hands of East Riding Social Services, who will make all kinds of assessments and recommend suitable places for her. Clearly, whilst we don't want to rush the process at the expense of identifying the best choice, the sooner we can make the move, the better.

I look forward to being able to spend more time with her, to dropping in for a short time for a coffee or a chat (something she has always said that she would love). We still enjoy and appreciate each other's company, even if we are not saying much, simply being there for one another is so important. Though it's upsetting to see her feeling miserable, I think that it's helpful for me to be there - and of course, those 400-mile roundtrips are going to be more challenging as the weather declines.

We feel sad that in taking her away from Hull, we deprive her of friends and family there but of course, offer hospitality and accommodation to all and hope that the reasoning behind our decision is understandable in the circumstances.